horribly satisfying

[scene - employee stairwell.  Dee is at the base of the stairs, purging the icemaker & flushing a drain line.  Matt is at the very top of the stairs, talking loudly to a fellow barista about a customer who just phoned.]

Matt:    "...above my pay grade!  Way, way, WAY above."

Dee:    "What is?"

Matt:   "Did you hear about the guy who shit himself?

Dee:    "No..."

Matt:   "So today a customer violently shat themselves.  Since they had a change of clothes, they decided to throw all the beshitted clothes in our bathroom trashcan.  Only once they got home, they discovered they'd left their phone in their pants.  Presumably they have a landline, or a second phone, because then they called to ask us to get the phone out of their shitty pants and hold it for them until they could pick it up."

Dee:    "You know I used to work in a pool hall, for like, ten years.  We had a lotta bathroom action.  My favourites were the guy who tried to flush his pants...  I made that face too.  And there was one treasure, this fiend, had a paranoid snit and decided to hide his works in the tank of our john?  Only it jammed the flap?  Good times.  My all-time fave was the hustler who puked on the floor and dropped his smokes in it.  I was gloved, so I just picked the pack up and followed the guy to his table, saying 'Hey, you dropped these,' and he held his hand out..."

Matt:    "Jesus cried.  That's horrible."

Dee:    "Horribly satisfying."