Sunday, December 21, 2025

executive healthcare for artfags in poverty (binaural beatdown edition)

What is the clicking?  Is it a muscle spasm, which causes the hammer in my eardrum to slip / strike erratically?  And if so, why is the phenomena something that moves from one channel to the other?

For the past 1 1/2 months, the tinnitus has been almost exclusively in my left ear.  Once, last month, it migrated right, for less than a day.  For the last three days, the left channel has been quiet.  Then today, out of absolute nowhere, it recurred in my right.  Less than two minutes.  Gone again.

These questions plague me.  Yesterday I was having muscle spasms in my left cheek, at the dropoff below the bony ridge.  Five minutes and it settled.  Gone, nary a trace that it was there.

The migratory muscle / tendon pains...  The tinnitus (if it is caused by spasming in the mechanisms of the ears) switching channels...  All this stuff has to be related to my brain trauma.  It's central nervous system, right?  

Fuck, I hate troubleshooting.  In my experience of electronics repair, you must wait for evidence of the problem in order to track back the root cause.  A cold solder joint's just a cold solder joint, barely detectable by the eye, unless you know to look for it.  A failing motor, or a slipping belt, that stuff's strictly mechanical most of the time.  Easy to diagnose & track.  But the electrical stuff, that's where it gets troublesome.  Because maybe it's a failing component, a capacitor or transistor or resistor...

Or maybe it's a cold solder joint.

Thinking in terms of electronics makes the reality of what I'm living with a little less fearsome.  Because I do worry.  Constantly.  It's wonderful knowing my husband loves & supports me, that he truly will Be There, no matter what.  But it's daunting, being on the threshold of a half century, wondering what is breaking down fastest, which parts will hold out longest.

Of course the electronics analogy doesn't hold up, because it's not like they can poke around in my skull with a multimeter and diagnose me straightaway.  Just plug me into an LCR and read the display...

Overall I'm fine.  Certain parts are tricky, depending on temperature.  Eh.  Who knows?  I'm not going to the repair shop until something Fails, anyhow.  Because troubleshooting, the hourly cost of workers & testing and so forth.

No comments:

Post a Comment